I Am Not A Role Model

Posting now could be called questionable, at least. But alas. I am up, and I am on acid.

I think I've just had the best romantic relationship I've ever had. Just now. Though it seems highly likely I'll look at this as sophomoric, it was honest and it was perfect, and that's why it couldn't possibly work. It lasted five minutes, which was exactly as long as it could have lasted.

I want to spill so much of this in so specific, meaningless detail. But unless I find the right details, I'll never remember it perfectly. You know?

Okay, okay. So, I've spent the last couple of day on acid. Pretty much continuously. It's been quite a trip. Halloween weekend here on campus, so... I apparently felt the need to take it up a notch. So I did two hits of LSD last night, at about 1 AM. How do you describe where acid takes you? I feel like I've lived and died a million times between when I dropped the first hits and now. That's keeping in mind, I did four more tonight, around 12 AM. I feel like I've found and lost a million loves I'll never experience, and I don't think I'll ever dream again without wondering if there are somehow echoes of reality seeping into my subconscious states. That's where acid takes you. Well, buckle up cowboy.

I did the first load with Frank, Kelly (I have no idea if this is how she spells her name), and Sara. We watched Waking Life for a while, before we decided to go outside. Sara was trying to sleep. And we decided that that was a bad idea, because it was. So we woke her, and she was very angry. So we left her for a little bit, under her assurances she'd be okay. We went down for Kelly and Frank to smoke. We decided to start walking, as I'd packed a bowl already, as I am wont to do.

I can't explain the billions of tiny changes my life had already made by this point. It was amazing. I feel like I've had this life changing experience, and I feel like that every time I do psychedelics, but that's what the meaning is. It's to make the meaning for yourself. But that's just one of the ways that things had undergone a shift. I can't describe the experience in language.

Before getting too far, however, we decided to go back and make Sara get up. It was only for the best.

I've lied to you. I didn't have a bowl packed already. That was the other reason we went back. Not just for Sara, but for Mary Jane. Yeah. I went there.

I would love to date a chick named Mary Jane. But only until I realized the creepy Oedipal issues, cause my sister's name is Mary and my mother's name is Jane. But then I think, naw, a redheaded MJ. Like Spider-Man. Like how there's that episode of Seinfeld where Seinfeld dates a girl named Lois, which is cool cause he loves Superman? Like that. But with more drugs. Not as straightedge as Marvel tends to be (not all, tends to).

Anyway. So we got my pot and Sara. And then we went for a voyage of walking around the everywhere! It was a serious epic of mammoth proportions, I am not shitting you. The world was rent apart and devoured. But... it wasn't. I mean. I know it wasn't. It didn't look to my eyes like there was. But reality was adjusting itself. That was clear.

We went for a walk. I really don't remember where we went... I'm not sure it really matters. There were stopping places, and moving places, and all that.

This is so difficult to describe. Looking back on the experience, I was at a rave in New York, I was a world away in an opium den in China, I was in another dimension composed only of lines and color, but with no meaning. And there I was, on the street. With my friends. And I can't describe what happened in those places, because nothing happened. But it was everything in the world, flying through my mind.

We walked to the lake and fountain near the Baker Center. I remember that. I remember looking out over the beauty and grandeur of that disgusting water. We stood at the balcony and stared out into the night, out into the light of the fountain, illuminating the world. We staggered about the area, lost in ourselves. I packed a bowl. I think.

After a while, and a few cars driving by, we decided to leave, and we proceeded to wander about, as previously described.

The world shattered into a billion realities, shifting and falling around each other. But none of them were correct.

I think, after walking around for what might have been several eternities, we found our way back to South Green. I think we went out to the bike path at this point, and hung out, and watched the grass and the clouds and the moon swirl around us in what could have been a cacophonous symphony of celestial bodies and earthly upheaval. Frank and Kelly smoked a couple of cigarettes while I lit my bowl and watched the moon watch me with his baleful eyes.

Sara and I shared the bowl, mostly. Frank hit it once or twice, and Kelly practically hurled after hitting it once. Which is understandable. I constantly feel like I'm on the point of gagging once LSD kicks in. I never feel sick per se, but I'm always just on the edge of hacking up. The moon was a single eye, watching our every move. But benevolent. Not cruel.

Sometime after this, we went back inside. The warmth and the comfortable confine of solid walls around us was a good idea, a good way to regain grounding. I know we went in and watched something on my 360. It was... Robot Chicken! And that was hilarious. Really fucking surreal... but that's Robot Chicken.

At probably six in the morning, Sara and Kelly decided that it was sleeping time, leaving Frank and I to do... whatever. And so we went a-walking. And smoking. I mean, everybody is asleep at 6 AM on a Saturday, even on Halloween. The only people up are the people who have to work and the hardcore drug users from the night before. So Frank and I walked in the dark. We walked uptown, and stopped at BP around ten til seven because Frank needed cigarettes, having smoked an entire pack (with Kelly's help) in about four hours. So, because there was a minimum five dollar expenditure required to use plastic, Frank bought cigarettes... and M&Ms. At ten to seven on a Saturday. On Halloween weekend. I'm pretty sure people had a good idea what was up.

We walked more. We talked. It was good.

We walked to the stairway that's cut into the hill that separates East Green from College Green. I don't know what it's called. But it's a beautiful vantage point to watch the sunrise. We talked about philosophy, we talked about love, we talked about life. We talked about living. We verbally expounded on everything, vomiting insecurities and truths, comfortable and not.

Mitt Romney: Sexy (Crazy) Political Beast

Mitt Romney knows exactly what he's doing.

Romney was on Face the Nation this week. Bob Schieffer spent a fair amount of time asking him questions about his faith, which I will now go over so that you, the peoples, can make an informed decision (with my guidance, because, like many of the politicians I gripe about, Romney is fucking crazy).

First, I'm okay with Romney talking about his faith. I want to make it clear that I don't dislike Christians (or Mormons) for the fact that they believe, and indeed, that they are honest with the people is more important to me than pure politics. I don't have a problem voting for a Christian, provided they lined up with me on all the issues. What I do have a problem with, when it comes to faith-heads, is what they believe, and Romney sidesteps that shit like you would avoid the plague. We consider people who believe that Jesus talks to them through the morse code tap tap tapping of raindrops to be crazy, and I, by extension find people who believe in an invisible man in the sky who watches their every movement and exists within the paradox of being both omnipotent and omniscient to be crazy. That's just how that goes.

Schieffer asks Romney if he believes the literal teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, to which he responds "I do. I'm not going to try to distance myself in any way, shape or form, from my church." Whoo. But wait, it gets better. He goes on to say that he finds that "religious individuals have an enormous advantage in stability in their life", which, just so we're clear, is untrue. I'd prove it, but a quick Google search will get you what you need.

He also refers to himself as "true blue, through and through", which I find amusing, because he's a Republican. Sorry, it's a stupid irony, but I chuckled.

Anyway, when asked questioned about his belief in evolution (stated in one of the earlier debates), states that he sees no dichotomy between science and religion, and that while he believes in God, it is certainly within the realm of possibility for God to use the "tool of evolution" to design man. Which sort of contradicts him taking the teachings of his church literally. Hmm...

Oh, and then, when asked if he believes the Garden of Eden was in Missouri (something actually taught by the Church of LDS), he deftly sidesteps the question, stating that the best people to ask about that are church officials, and then goes on to talk about the morality, and how it's formed on Judeo-Christian tenets.

Tactically, Romney is brilliant here. By sidestepping the crazy and focusing on the similarities (by simply refusing to get into the finer points of his religion), he is bringing himself closer to the Christian right. By saying "Hey, science is pretty good," he's making sane people hate him just a little bit less. He even talks about how religious leaders have no place in the office of the presidency, which is correct. His first duty is to the American people, not the religious people. He would follow the Constitution and the Rule of Law, instead of the will of the Mormon people.

The main problem here is that his religion still informs his morality, making his problems my problems. He's a social conservative, and that's just too little freedom for my taste. He's stated he wants to "double Guantanamo", which is simply unacceptable.

So, even though he's a very attractive man, and he is:he is simply not worth voting for.

There's a point I want to make, and I want to make it clear: Don't not vote for Romney because he's a Mormon. Don't vote for him for that reason, either. Vote (or, more preferably, don't vote) for him because of his politics, not his religion. Vote for Obama on his politics, not his race. Vote for Hilary on her politics, not her sex.

Or, write in Howard Dean. I know I will.

This Is Really, Really Funny

I'm sitting at Biolife right now. I smoked a clove immediately before I came in and I got into a room pretty quick. It turns out my blood pressure is too low for me to donate (we'll check it again in a minute). So, as I'm sitting out here, there's a commercial that begins "After twenty minutes, you blood pressure will... decrease," and it then goes on to describe more things that happen the longer you go without smoking, like being able to smell things.

I smoked, and my blood pressure is now too low to give blood. (Please note, this is highly anecdotal. I don't think there's an actual link between the two.)

I find this incredibly funny.

Jesus jesus jesus!

So, it's Saturday afternoon. I've been laying in my boxers for about two hours, just listening to Skeptoid, watching Michael Shermer interviews and contemplating going to pick up the most recent issue of Skeptic.

And so, I figure, we should talk about some Jesus.

Disclaimer: My views are the ones which are supported by fact and reality. If you disagree with them, remember that extraordinary claims requires extraordinary evidence. And "because God said so" is neither evidence nor true in any sense, period. However, if you genuinely believe in God and nothing will ever shake that, then just stop reading now and save us both the headache.

Religion has been afforded a certain respect in society, a respect which is utterly undeserved. There are a number of reasons thrown around for the importance of religion in our culture, including, but by no means limited to: morality, political justifications, social constructs, history, and explanations of the universe.

None of these reasons are valid, because none of them are worthwhile. In fact, given the current state of science, several of these are laughable, and given the history of any given holy book, the rational for these things is downright laughable. Of course, I'm not expecting you to just take my word for it. So let's break it down.

Let's talk first about morality, since that's the one that tends to piss me off the most. This idea that the religious are somehow more moral than the non-religious. What utter bullshit. As an extreme example of how false this thought is, nineteen extremely religious people ended the lives of over three thousand people on the eleventh of September, two thousand and one. Yes, religion did that one.

Now, I don't really expect that religious people are lining up in the wings to massacre the general populace. But it is still important to remember that those young men did what they did because they genuinely believed that they would be rewarded upon their entrance to heaven for killing all us infidels. And yes, they were Muslims, not Christians, not Jews, not whatever. However, a cursory look over history will show that Yahweh is THE number one cause of death.

Okay, so morality is not just found in the murdering of innocents, I'll give you that. So, are the religious more moral? A study published in 2005 by the Journal of Religion and Society shows what you and I already know in our black hearts, and even takes it a step further stating that religion may in fact contribute to societal ills. That's right, ladies and germs, religion causes social maladjustment. Isn't that great?

Well, no. (Though to be sure, it is funny.) Morality is something that is clearly not found in religion. "But what about Atheists," I hear you ask, "You people have no moral code like the Ten Commandments to keep you from killing folks. Why should I trust you?" Sigh. The fact of the matter is that I do good things because they are the right things to do. Not because I'm trying to impress the invisible man in the sky. I don't do bad things because bad things are wrong, not because I'm afraid of the bogeyman. Why is that hard to understand?

Next on the docket: the speciousness of virtually everything ever said by a priest (or imam, or pope, or rabbi...). I'm referring here to the alleged "truth" of any given "holy book". To start, the history lessons given by these books are questionable at best. It seems odd that the ineffable creator of the universe wouldn't know about some of the inaccuracies reported by scribes whose hands were guided by him. For example, that the Earth was created in both six AND seven days. (http://www.geocities.com/paulntobin/creationint.html although there are many better sites and resources, that was the first one I found, and it works fine for my point.) Or what about the fact that the Gospels were written hundreds of years after the life of the man they supposedly document? That seems a wee bit sketchy. What about the conflicting accounts of Jesus' birth within the Gospels, accounts with spurious factual information. John's account notes that the followers were surprised to learn that Jesus wasn't born in Bethlehem, owing to the Torah's prophecy concerning Jesus' supposed birth. Matthew states that Mary and Joseph were in Bethlehem all along, moving to Nazareth later in life (because of Herod). Luke, on the other hand, says that Mary and Joseph lived in Nazareth beforehand, and that Caesar Augustus declared a census for taxation purposes, and that all men must go "to his own city". Which doesn't make much sense, really, because the claim is that Joseph was "of the city and lineage of David", who would have lived roughly a thousand years before Joseph. (It also invalidates the claim that the Savior is descended from David, since Mary was impregnated by the Holy Spirit.) The best part of Luke's account is that it has information which can be easily checked, and turns out to be, who would have thunk it, incorrect.

So, clearly the veracity of these texts isn't all it's cracked up to be.

What about religion creating the social norms? Isn't that a good thing? Do I need to even tackle this?

The social norms that religion promotes are, quite simply, insane. You'll note that a lot of things about religion are insane. Also discussed in this category, the current political movement to make religion a solid part of the government.

Religion is essentially a form of control, and that is why the Religious Right is stripping away our civil liberties. They simply don't believe that we have the right to "sin". The unfortunate fact of the matter is that all of us, each and every one, are sinners. At least, according to religion. Good news, though. For the rest of us, it doesn't fucking matter! I can lie, adulter, and have impure thoughts to my hearts' content. Sin is an arbitrary designation to things which are intended to control not only your actions, but your thoughts as well (thoughtcrime, anyone?). And the restrictions that the religious put on the rest of us are simply ridiculous. They don't like homosexuality because they believe that God says "no". So they restrict gay marriage. This is absurd. Stating that someone can't do something that you can is discrimination, period. You are stating that you genuinely believe that those people are somehow "less" than you, which is the sort of thing that people in white robes and hoods who enjoy a good lynching agree with. You believe that collection of cells without consciousness and without even a central nervous system is alive, and that it must be protected. What? By that logic, every time you clean your ears, you commit genocide. This is almost criminally idiotic. I'm sorry, but I'll allow you to have your opinions, but please keep them away from my rights. If you don't like gay marriage, don't get gay married. If you don't like stem cell research, then simply don't support it. How hard is it to let the rest of us get on with our lives? Jefferson would be spinning in his grave.

Speaking of Jefferson, the next time someone tells me that the Founders were Christians who wanted a Christian nation, I may punch them in the face. Jefferson was against organized religion in pretty much every way. He was, in all likelihood, a deist, if not a true atheist. Many of the Founders, including Madison and Adams, as well as General Washington, all believed in a STRICT separation of church and state, and they recognized that this was best, not only for the state, but also for the church. If the state was involved in the church's business, how would that be freedom of religion? And when that person, who commented on the Christian nation, tells me that "In God We Trust" and "One Nation Under God" (on money and in the Pledge of Allegiance, respectively) are proof of his insane hypothesis, I'll probably kick them in the shins. You see, neither of those phrases were ever used until about 60 years ago, during the Red Scare, back when there were all those dangerous commies around. We needed the assurance that God was on our side. They hardly "prove" anything.

Which brings us to the rock in my shoe. The meaning of it all, or the explanation of everything, or the reason for being, or whatever.

Creationists, in particular, are the ones against whom I'd like to grind my ax.

(place holder. more will go here.)

Observation

Is there any better taste than the first clove out of the pack? I submit that there is not.

I Have Bad News For You...

So, it turns out I was wrong. I know, I know, it's a rare occurrence, but we must be able to own up to our mistakes.

Ron Paul is crazy as fuck.

I know, I know. I was all about this guy not long ago (hours. Seriously). But it has come to my attention that he is batshit nuts. And I need to make sure that you know that he is batshit nuts as well. Without further ado:

"The notion of a rigid separation between church and state has no basis in either the text of the Constitution or the writings of our Founding Fathers. On the contrary, our Founders’ political views were strongly informed by their religious beliefs." -Ron Paul, 2003

...whoa. That's not even close to pretending to be correct. This is from the Treaty of Tripoli, signed in 1797, approved by the President and the Senate: "As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries." Jefferson hated the idea of church and state being anywhere near each other.

He was in favor of keeping the Ten Commandments on a courthouse lawn (link) and co-sponsored a prayer in school amendment (link).

And if that wasn't enough to make you stop and go "Hold on a second...", well, I've got more bad news. He's sort of been supported by... some white supremacists... yeah...



(PLEASE NOTE: Those are not my opinions in the video. I am NOT batshit crazy.)

I gotta be honest, that video makes me giggle, even though it's, you know, hate filled and all.

So yeah... don't vote for Ron Paul. Vote for Howard Dean.

Notes on the Republican Debate

CNBC/MSNBC/Wall Street Journal Debate, October 9th, 2007

These may be the dumbest people ever collected on a stage together (well, aside from anyone dumb enough to be in an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical). Seriously, though.

John McCain (seen for the last four years playing Bush's lapdog) actually tried to remind us that he was one of the only people criticizing the President way back in the day. And I don't mean in the sense that he was critical of Bush now, though he was. I mean he actually said "I want to remind you that..."

Oh, and this was fantastic. Most of the candidates believe that the President has the ultimate power to declare war. Yeah. Isn't that terrifying? I mean, they were talking about "imminent threats" and all that bullshit. Ron Paul (my hero) started yelling about it though. That was pretty cool. Fred Thompson also agreed that it is important to go to Congress for war, though his reasoning wasn't "cause the Constitution says so."

I love it when they all contradict each other. They spent the first twenty minutes talking about whether or not the US is in a deficit (Um... why not just look at the budget?). Words clearly have no set meaning for these people.

Sam Brownback wants to cut US funding for advanced technology. And Mike Huckabee wants to make ethanol (the corn based one) the standard in ten years. Both of these people are fools (for different reasons).

The good thing here is that these people are better on energy... well, mostly. They're okay with nuclear power (which reminds me, don't you fucking dare vote for Edwards) and just about everything else. McCain even acknowledged climate change and said that we should cut that shit out (my words). They're also (mostly) big fans of the free market, which is superb.

This video, that I'm streaming online, has commercials. What... the... fuck?

...still commercialing. Should that have two "l"s? I can't decide.

Ron Paul (<3) says that unions should always be allowed. Not necessarily respected, but *always* allowed (see: First Amendment). McCain states (correctly) that no one should be required to be in a union should they not want to. Mitt Romney specifically states that the Carpenter's Union is a good union. In fact, I'm just generally amazed at how much the Republicans don't hate unions. There are good unions, and there are bad unions. That's pretty cool. (The cynic in me is reminded me that they're in Dearborn, Michigan. Y'know, the heart of the auto industry.)

Tom Tancredo just made fun of Brownback's mother. This makes me smile.

McCain wants sugar cane based ethanol in this country. Go go gadget McCain! Though, I'm not sure where he thinks it'll come from. Maybe he has a sugar plantation in Jamaica and imports it.

Our good buddy Rudy Giuliani is talking about "policing the internet". Ah, freedom of speech, we hardly knew ye. He talks about child predators like he gets all his facts from "To Catch a Predator". McCain, however, disagrees. He's having none of it.

Lightning round: stupid and pointless. Full of meaningless sound bytes. Except for Sam Brownback, who espoused the utter nonsense about "family values" and how single parent families aren't as good for children. What a fucking moron.

General thoughts: Brownback sounds a lot like Rick Santorum, and should be quietly gassed to death. McCain and Thompson seem like the least insane options right now, other than Ron Paul, who could never be elected in this country for the simple fact that he's correct and the only thing that could help us. I've got to be honest, out of the 15ish candidates, the only one I want to vote for is Ron Paul, because he's the only one worth voting for.

Sigh.

The Truth:

I am a liar.

I constantly lie to you. There really is no way to tell the truth. Objectively, that is.

Well, not the complete truth, anyway.

There are a few reasons. One is that it would simply be impossible to tell the "whole truth and nothing but the truth". It doesn't truly exist. And besides, if I tried, I would never stop writing, so much would I be trying to replicate exactly what happened. Exactly what's true. Another reason for my deception is the idea that the truth is made somehow more true through fiction. See: Gonzo journalism.

And it's not like I lie to you. I would never lie to you. Certainly not.

But...

Well, there are some times I obscure facts. There are times I fudge reality. And there are times I leave out large portions of the truth.

I'm afraid that if I told you the truth, the full truth, the true truth, you would think me insane. You would find me dangerous. You would question my mental capacity. Because the dark shit I've actually told you doesn't even crack the tip of the iceberg.