Cathartic?

It's been a week. What a fucking week.

Shrooming with Scott and Frank last night. The wrong week for it, apparently. Whoa.

They had a great time, which was awesome. Frank was fucking spastic. Bouncing off the walls. Everything was pissing him off. But not in an angry way or anything. He'd just start swearing at something for ten seconds, then stop for a couple of minutes. Scott, on the other hand, was really mellow for most of the evening. He was enraptured by a tree near the front doors of Smith.

I, however, was not having quite as good a time. I don't feel like I had a bad time, in my head, but everyone keeps telling me I was practically catatonic. I remember not being able to deal with practically anything. I had problems coping with my computer. I was very... stuck in my head. Trapped in my head. I don't really like being trapped in my head. Because the things in my head are all puzzles. They have to be taken apart. They have to be solved.

I have no idea how to relinquish control of my mind. Scott and Frank were standing up looking at me while I sat on the cold concrete and being as small as possible, and they told me to just let go. But I don't know how. I can't do it. And I came to the realization that much of the time, I do things like marijuana and mushrooms and whatnot to slow down. To stop the constant running tape loop in my mind. To halt the ever-deconstructionist part of my brain. To stop and just feel good for a while without having to worry about anything. And then I realized... that's sort of what heroin does. Especially if you overdose on it. You just... stop.

After my bad time had come to a close, I started thinking about my various women problems and realized that I didn't care that much. Is this catharsis?

Anyway. I made it through. I know I was freaking out my friends, cause I kept smiling and saying I'd be fine, and they all seemed pretty convinced that I wasn't. But by now, I know how to ride it out, and that's very useful. I still had a good time, though I may hold off on doing it again for a couple of weeks.

I decided, while on shrooms, that I needed a shower and a shave. That was a whole new thing. Very weird. But I was successful. No cuts or anything. It was pretty excellent, all things considered. The heat of the shower and the water hitting and trailing my skin was incredible. And playing with my naval piercing was a lot of fun. Bwahaha.

This is the first post I'll be putting up with my newly returned to me laptop. I'm at Donkey, presently, listening to music and drinking coffee to keep the chill away. I should buy some apple cider for my room. And some tea. I'll make that happen tomorrow. This is excellent, though. I don't know how I lived without my computer.

One of the things I missed most? Porn.

I was trying to figure out this couple earlier. I'm guessing they were on maybe their fourth outing together. This one was casual, as they were at a coffee shop, playing Othello. He was telling her about one of his exs (for whom he apparently did things he shouldn't have and were, in retrospect, stupid), which is why I peg it around four, because it seems like you'd start getting into real history after you've been out a couple of times and have decided that you like each other. I wasn't really listening to them, they were here and I noticed them as I was switching on my computer. But it intrigued me, as relationships tend to, particularly in their early stages.

Coffee and music are an excellent way to spend the evening. I was going to go to Dance or Die, but this is much better, I think. I love the smell of cold air in the fall, and I love the taste of clove cigarettes.

Everything will be okay.