Structure!

Abby hates this song.

Well, that's not entirely accurate. Abby just doesn't like this song because I posted the last stanza in my AOL profile after she and I broke up last year. It wasn't really directed at her, but certainly could have applied.

"The loving is a mess, what happened to all of the feeling?
I thought it was for real; babies, rings and fools kneeling
And words of pledging trust and lifetimes stretching forever
So what went wrong? It was a lie, it crumbled apart.
Ghost figures of past, present, future haunting the heart"
-Belle & Sebastian, "Another Sunny Day"

So now it reminds her of that whole... unpleasantness.

I'm in a really fuzzy headspace right now. A little bit angry, a little bit lost, a little bit severed, a little bit happy. Mostly just fuzzy. Confused.

Certainly, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely.

I'm going to (attempt to) talk to Poppy tonight or tomorrow.

::knock, knock:: "Hey. Hey." ::holds up finger, long silence:: "Sorry. (pause) Look, I really fancy you. I know, you've got a guy back home. Tom, yeah? Well, look. I'm not trying to replace anyone in your life. There are hundreds of reasons why you and I going out or dating or whatever is a bad idea, but I genuinely don't care. You thrill me in heretofore unknown ways, and I want to keep making that happen. But I have no idea what you want."

It won't go anything like that. And it's highly unlikely that I'll use the word "heretofore".

What I want, ultimately, is to lay with her, run my fingers through her hair and kiss her. And just keep doing that for a while. I would be for that.

There's no rhyme or reason to this. It's just... floating in and out. In my head.

One last true thing: When I spend time with the people I love, I hate myself.